Broken Fish Tank Heart

So let me just start out by saying that I think that this is really brilliant concept for a poem. I love the way it flows from one metaphor to the next and there's some really superb language used in here.

My favourite line in particular is "I'm only boulders like held breaths and pebbles." That imagery there is really breathtaking.

My biggest constructive comment that comes with this poem though is that I feel as though it would be a stronger poem if there were a stronger relationship between the objects that you're comparing. Like the move from mountain to avalanche makes complete sense. However, the move then from avalanche to beetles isn't as strong. Instead I would've loved to have seen you expand on the pebble or perhaps to some other landscape.

I also think that the ending is brilliantly written and that last stanza is obviously where the turn of your poem is. That being said, it doesn't really connect to the rest of the poem. The idea of a broken fish tank seems so artificial compared to the nature you have in your first three stanzas.

Overall though, I really think this poem has a whole bunch of potential, and this is a really good job. I'm excited to see more work from you.